8:30

Saw someone that I really cared about posted this ayah. We all did know this right. Keep repeating this word over and over. Same goes to ayah and ibu, people that try comforting me. Yeah, I know. I should just move on and be grateful. Lainsyakartumlaazidannakum. I should bare this in my mind. I know that I should. Tidak Allah bebankan HambaNya luar dari kemampuannya. I should be strong. I can do this right ? I should not lose my faith on Him right? I am so sorry for people that trying so hard to comfort me and make me feel better. I really need my time alone. To face the reality. I just dont want to go crying to someone that I will hurt them in the future. Yeah, I really need hug from someone frankly speaking. But not them. I dont know.
For ayie, Im really happy for him. I knew you deserve 15 for your AS. And for someone I USED to care. Glad that you make it. I knew it. May Allah take care of you for me since you no longer the one. I think the colour has faded. Hopefully, there no more path that cross between us. Have a good life.

Something to share about

As dah masuk 4th sem, orang sekeliling sibuk confess sini sana, bercrush candy crush segala. As read those tweets and all, I realise that masuk umur 20 ni orang mula rasa, " I should have someone that I can love" maybe. Memang people will say, ' Im just fine being single, tiada siapa nak bising-bising nak pergi mana-mana'. But believe me, tipu tak jeles org tu ada kawan nak teman pergi tengok movie without sibuk cari siapa nak teman. When this kind of thing happens to me, I'll be like. Glad that I'm still under His protection. Allah sayang.

Then, what happen recently in my class and all. Teringat Teacher Silah cakap dekat aku time F3,

'Masa awak nak exam ni lah akan segala-galanya berlaku. Kakak-adik sibuk la nak jadikan awak toeng, abang dining hall tolong simpankan milo belikan food kat luar. Budak emci sedar dan sewaktu dengannya hantar pamplet pass tie clip lah. U just have to let it pass.Allah nak uji time tu. Syaitan nak bisik-bisik. Ingat apa saya pesan!'

Ingat teacher. Sampai sekarang saya ingat. Its not that easy. I know. Bila sekali jatuh tu, rasa macam tak nak bangun. But, itu fitrah. Kita tak tahu macam mana nak bangun kalau tak pernah jatuh.

Past few days, terbaca tweet. ' Dont go to Damansara for someone who cannot go to Ampang from there for you'. Teringat kes last year yang ada orang sanggup drive dari Tanjung Malim ke Putrajaya for someone. Dekat je *rolleyes. Orang kata lautan api pun sanggup redah kalau dah sayang. Betul. Ayah sanggup naik bas dengan aku pergi johor then patah balik at the same day for 2 years. Almost every week pergi Tronoh for 3 months and every week turun Seremban. It called love people. It is TRUE LOVE. Bila minta nak balik naik ktm or bas, Ayah be like 'selagi mampu ayah buat, nanti dah ada boyfriend, ayah tak mampu lagi'. ;/

Bukan tak nak cari boyfriend. But aku pelik. Ya, aku tahu aku pelik. Aku even dah 20, malam tak boleh tido pun cari ayah. Hmm. Keep praying guys, have faith on Him.

The Best Gift

Saja. Cuba escape from everything. Penat anakku dengan segala benda. Aku baru perasan yg Qihah pun actually update blog sbb dia rasa benda yg sama dengan aku. No one read blog anymore. Coolblog ye la kot. Hmm.

Dulu shumie pernah cakap, hadiah paling berharga dalam dunia ni adalah masa orang sibuk bagi dekat kita. Once aku pernah cakap dekat alya, 'Tak perlu hadiah sebesar Kimio utk bday aku, hanya sekadar doa untuk aku cukup membahagiakan'. Masa time cakap tu sekadar fikir, aku tak kisah pun actually kau tak bagi pape time bday aku. Tak pernah rasa, Wah bestnye ada dalam doa org. Now, sumpa. Bila ada nama lain selain ayah ibu akak ayie semua kerabat dalam doa aku, aku rasa mcm hmm. I dont know. Kenapa tetiba topik neh? Idk. Randomness in the night. Entropy aku memalam ni sumpa tinggi. 

Orang kata, bersyukurlah kita bila nama kita disebut dalam doa seseorang. Yeah. Dia sangat bertuah sbb Allah terbitkan something in me to keep his name in my prayers. Aku tak minta apa-apa balasan pun dari dia bila aku sebut nama dia, I'm just hmm. Entah la. Nak cakap tenangkan hati aku daripada rasa tu pun betul juga. I really want this 'thing' fade and go away. I keep telling myself, 'Mira, one day kau akan baca semua entry diary, tweet, ingat balik apa kau rasa sekarang ni. And that time u'll say to urself -Such a stupid girl I was.' Sumpa tasuka rasa ni. Rasa nak lari tempat lain utk make sure perasaan ni hilang. Dengan org sekeliling nya. Yes. They really make it harder for me. Daripada sparks, sampai dah melarat dah sekarang ni.Sumpa org sekeliling not helping at all. Sampai satu masa aku macam giveup. T_T okay bukan macam. Memang give up. Tapi Hilal Asyraf dgn Ameen Misran cakap, mmg susah nak bertaubat. Elok dah azam, jatuh lagi. Bangun balik. Itu yang Allah nak. Aku try. Insya Allah.

Aku sedih dgn diri sendiri sebab ingt lagi dalam #henshin Aiman Banna cakap, di akhirat nanti kita akan bersama org yg paling kita cintai. Andai Logan Lerman adalah manusia paling kita cintai, we'll with him. If Rasulullah insan paling kita cintai, then we will with Rasulullah. And mira? Tak habis belajar dan berubah lagi aku ni. Tak kuat lagi nak turn everything around. 

Mana nak pujuk.

Frankly speaking. Aku bab decide future segala sangatlah SUCKS. I know. Sorry. But I am. From habis UPSR sampai nak decide pilih course ni ha pun berbaldi air mata aku. Berani aku tulis sini sebab nobody open blogspot anymore. 

Bila org tanya kenapa susah sgt padahal masa dekat Yutipi kan dah amik MechE. Ambil MechE sebab nak sambung Aero. Lepastu, bila dapat opportunity yg senang macam ni mulalah aku pening. Aero punya scope kerja dekat Malaysia tak besar. Dahlah tak besar lepas tu aku ni dah la perempuan. Bila tanya Waie mana nak pilih. Then, electrical more advisable. Sebab? Job opportunity banyak. Luas. Buddy suruh amik quiz engineering. Then. I got aeronautical engineering as the result. Bila buka job application. Berkecai. Tinggal serpih je hati kau ni. 

Kenapa tetiba terlintas nak tukar electrical? Sebab tiba-tiba terlintas last year masa AS. And people keep remind me how difficult for me to learn aeronautical in the future. I hate myself. So, Electrical then. Mana nak pujuk hati ni. Hmm.